


moving forwards using all my breath

by obsessivelymoody



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22216816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivelymoody/pseuds/obsessivelymoody
Summary: Chris has a breakdown. PJ has a breakup. What happens next is completely out of their control—and they kind of really like that.
Relationships: Chris Kendall/PJ Liguori
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57
Collections: Jestbee's Birthday Fics 2020





	moving forwards using all my breath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jestbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jestbee/gifts).



> A gift for the lovely Jane. Happy birthday! I'm sorry this is a few days late, but hopefully you like it all the same. I'm so happy to be your friend, and I hope you have a beautiful year to come <3 Also, you're the only person ever who could make me want to write kickthestickz, and I adore you for it!

If you asked Chris how _it_ got to this point, he wouldn't be able to tell you. All he'd really be able to do is gesture vaguely, mumble something rather incoherent, and change the topic. Probably to ask if he should keep arguing with PJ about taking the cloud off their lounge's ceiling light, but that’s hardly the point. 

And _it_ , of course is...PJ. And him, of course. PJ and Chris. Chris and PJ. Who have been—as their friends would say—attached at the hip since the first year of uni and haven't detached since. Not even ten years later.

Moving in with your best friend isn’t unusual. Living together well past the time everyone else in your life moves on, gets married and starts to have kids. Hell, even as they get divorced and have to deal with all that shit. Your best friend not actually moving out once in the period of his five year relationship with his last girlfriend is probably a little unusual, but Chris never actually thought anything of it. 

He never thought anything of how touchy PJ got after the breakup, hands resting on his shoulders, on the small of his back, on his thighs. It was comforting, more than anything else, so when everything that started _after_ came, Chris wasn’t complaining. Because he liked it and because—well, because it was _special_. 

And so when Chris is sat in a cafe, catching up with Phil, he finds himself pondering on _it_. 

“So,” Phil started as he sipped his latte. “What’s up with you and Peej?”

*

"What's up", Chris thinks, started about a year ago. 

It started, as many things in Chris’s life have, with a break up and a total fucking breakdown. 

The break up was PJ’s and the breakdown was Chris’s, respectively. And they did what all good best friends do: supported each other. 

It of course helped that they live together, and that their beds are big enough for the both of them. It was easier to sleep with someone next to you, someone you already know you love and who loves you because you’re best friends and you’ll always be there for each other. 

They hugged a lot, and cuddled under blankets watching show after show, and when they turned on reruns of old favourites it was like an unspoken rule that that’s when they can talk to each other about what happened. About PJ’s broken heart and Chris’s broken brain, and how neither of them are actually broken because they have each other and everything is going to be alright.

A month in, the touches got more intimate. PJ was usually the one to initiate, and Chris never asked any questions. He liked it, and likes it even more now that they’ve gone further than Chris has let himself go with anyone else. 

It’s nice and sweet and caring and hot, and that’s all Chris can ask for. He still has his best friend at the end of the day, the same man who recruits him to help with whatever project he’s tackling next and never says no to Chris’s requests to be player 2. 

They’ve never discussed anything, but what is there really to discuss? Clearly a typical friends with benefits situation, and—well, and Chris was unfortunate enough to have caught feelings along the way.

He loves PJ, and it fucking sucks. 

*

“You know what I think?” Phil says when he finishes telling him. 

“Do I want to know?”

Phil eyes him. “Yes. I think you should tell him how you feel.”

“That’s a terrible idea, Philip.”

“In the years I’ve spent dating Dan, do you know what I’ve learned?”

Chris taps his chin mockingly. “Hm, that you’ve finally found The One who will reciprocate all that furry shit you’ve got going on?”

Phil scowls. “ _No_ , that talking about your feelings is really important. It helps. It’s healthy.”

It’s Chris’s turn to scowl now. 

“Just tell him how you feel. It’ll go better than you think.”

*

Chris wakes up in PJ's bed the morning after he sees Phil. (They don't use Chris's room much anymore anyway.)

A soft pink Pac-Man ghost light glows in the corner where they'd left it on last night. It rivals the stripes of golden sun painting the walls through the blinds. Chris sighs softly, and turns over. 

He's greeted with a freckled expanse of golden skin and a mop of brown curls. Letting a few minutes pass, Chris stares, almost wishing he had a pen to connect all the freckles dotting PJ’s back. PJ would like that too, he knows. Probably make something out of it or whatever. 

Chris is thinking about how much _he_ would love that part of it when PJ stirs, mumbling as he turns over. 

Opening his eyes slowly, PJ grins at him. “Good morning.”

He smiles back at him and, instead of being a completely normal person and greeting PJ in the same way, Chris blurts: “What are we?”

PJ blinks, shock colouring his expression. 

“I mean,” he says quickly. “Good morning! Did you want me to make you some tea?” 

“Chris—”

“Nope, already on it, I’m making both of us tea right now.” 

He pushes back the covers, finds his pants from where they were discarded on the floor last night, and hurriedly makes his way to the kitchen. 

“Fuck,” he whispers when he’s alone. 

Making tea is at least mindless, but not distracting enough to stop him from thinking about how much of a fucking moron he is. 

*

It plagues him for the rest of the day despite things going...rather normally. 

“Chris.” 

PJ walks over to where he’s sat on the sofa, carrying two plates of Chinese takeaway. He hands one to him and sits down. 

“Hmm?” 

“We haven’t like,” PJ starts. “Talked about us—”

“Oh no,” he feels his blood run cold. “Oh no please Peej, I fucked up this morning I thought we could move past that.”

“No,” he says firmly. “You didn’t. We need to talk about this.” 

Chris sighs. “Okay. Fine.”

“You’re my best friend. And, um, I like you a lot. I like being with you, in all the ways we’ve been together.”

They lock eyes, and Chris can see the honesty in his face. 

“So I can’t speak for you, and it’s okay if you just want to keep things the same, but my answer to what we are is...together? In every way we can be.”

It takes a moment for Chris to process this. He can see the fear start to seep into PJ’s expression, and the tension that comes when he opens his mouth to speak. 

“I...feel the same. I want to be with you for, I mean, for as long as you’ll have me.” 

PJ laughs. “So what, like forever then?” 

“Forever sounds really nice.”

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "I Melt with You" by Modern English. 
> 
> you can like/reblog this on [tumblr](https://obsessivelymoody.tumblr.com/post/190204326132/moving-forwards-using-all-my-breath-rating-g) if you want.


End file.
